Shiver

I want to tear you open to see what makes you tick.

I want to find the heart that keeps beating and pumping fresh blood to your body and I want to see the bruises it has. I want to see the muscles that expand and contract to make your beautiful limbs move and I want to know where the points of pressure are. I want to bend your spine to the snapping point just to see how strong it is and I want to pinch your nerves to send waves of pleasure mixed in with pain all across your body. I want to see your stomach do flips and I want to force your jaws to form the words that I want to hear. I want to see all of you.

I want to find the code to crack open your heart.

I want to see your mind scramble for answers as I look deep into your eyes. I want to see you struggle to find words adequate enough to describe the way you feel, even when I'm holding the answers between my lips for you to come and find. I want your tongue to lie to me and hide each key to your heart's doors while I try to use sweet words to coax the truth from you. I want you to encrypt each phrase, each word you say to me just to see if I care enough to try and know you. I want to know all of you.

I want to see the world as you do.

I want to break your head open and splatter your colorful ideas all over the sidewalk. I want to dip my paintbrush into your irises and produce a sunset with the colors that you see and I want to paint myself exactly how you see me. I want to take the puzzle pieces of your scattered mind and try to put them all together and I want my colorful language to continually pierce your skin and your defenses so that I can get inside and leave a me-shaped print on your white soul. I want to see the world through your eyes.

I want to fight with you every step of the way.

I want to try to rip into you with harsh words and I want you to turn and throw it right back in my face when I'm wrong. I want you to hold me to the wall and demand the truth from me and I want you to break down my every defense so you can see just where my heart is. I want us to be as ugly as we can be so we can see how beautiful we really are.

I want you to break into me
as I'm breaking into you.

Thank You

I love him so much.

I'm so lucky to have him.

We've gotten so close, and I'm so thankful.

I believe again...

My heart's still broken, but I heal a little more every single day.

Thank you.

Wow, I'm rather neglectful of this... whoopsie. :3

So... news.

oob #1: Bryant. Well, we split up... it was very nice... until I found out that he totally lied to me and screwed me over... and I don't think I want the world to know, so more on that later... but I still hurt and I still feel really stupid and it sucks. We split up at band camp... so yeah.

oob #2: Homecoming. Not sure if I'ma go... at least, not 100%. If I'm asked, then of course I'll go. I have a dress that I'd wear, but still. I'd like to have a date... and I'd like to be asked, but whatever. What happens happens. :)

oob #3: School. It starts in about... 5 days, and I'm not sure if I'm excited or not. Part of me is nervous for the first day and all that, but I'm also looking forward to the fresh start and not being the youngest in the fricking school. :3 I'm looking forward to Block, even though I don't know much about it. At least I'll be with friends. :) And band, too, I'm excited for that.

oob #4: Eagle Band. OMG. I can't believe that it's almost our first competition! Last week was Hell Week, and from Monday-Wednesday we had practice from 9 in the morning to 5 in the evening. It wasn't... horrific, but it was very tiring. And then we went to the State Fair, which wasn't actually bad. It was quite fun. :) We got to mess around a bit before playing, and it was fun.

oob #5: Cell phone!! I got one! I'm so excited! My parents told me that I'd changed a lot and grown up and worked really hard and I deserved it. That meant a lot to me, and I'm so glad I finally got one... with unlimited text... 952.649.9744

oob #6: Music! I'm newly addicted to Owl City... their new CD, Ocean Eyes, is the best. It's inspired me to write so many new pieces, it's insane. I love it. :) And Jack's Mannequin's The Glass Passenger is brilliant as well. :3

So... yeah, that's all I can think of for now... a lot has been going on, and hopefully I can get back into the habit of writing this, it's quite good therapy. XD

Love,
Lauren. ♥

P.S. Tough times don't last... tough people do.

P.P.S. This has been a good summer. I've learned so much, and a lot has changed. :)

P.P.P.S. I'm also addicted to Phantom Of The Opera. Watch it, read it, love it!! It's amazing!!

So I'm home from camp, and... wow, it was the best year I've had there. :) I'm so glad I got to go. My cabin was fabulous, I was Captain Hook in the play Peter Pan, I was kind of on top of the world.

Now that I'm back, I get to see all of my friends again, and that makes me really excited- especially for marching band! We've gotten the beginning of the show, and it sounds amazing. I can't wait to get started, even though I effing hate running. Argh.

I'm currently reading The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck, and... it's boring. Like, the plot's all right, I guess, but it's weirdly written. I'm not really a fan. But I have to read it for block next year... and yeah.

OH! I went to see Harry Potter two nights ago- my first premeire!! It was so cool! The special effects were incredible, and I loved it.

Didn't make it into Wind Ensemble from the callback, but I guess that's okay. At least I'll have friends in band with me. And I'll have Eagle Band, so I think I'll be able to manage it.

I have to go, but I'll probably write later, if anyone reads this!

Love,
Lauren. ♥

Jesus

"Leave room for Jesus" is one of the things I hear most out of my friends, and it's really starting to annoy me. ARGH. JUST BACK OFF.