Halloween!

Hey, everyone!

Happy Halloween!

Today wasn't too bad... I wore my Fedora, pearl earrings, my suit jacket & a black cami, a pearl necklace, a jean miniskirt, tights, and my Candies stillettos. It was pretty sexy, if I do say so myself. Haha. Anyway, so in Spanish I had to stand up in front of the class and everyone was looking at me and I was like, "Hey... how's it going?" and it was a little awkward, but not too bad. In Enriched English we were working with Iambic Pentameters, and it was pretty amazing. My friend came up with this: I can't believe that she would fuck my mom." and I almost died from laughing so hard.

Lunch was interesting, though... Bryant seemed a little bit like he was avoiding me... and he, like, didn't really talk to me much... though he was looking at me- I caught him doing it- not that I wasn't looking at him, though. *sigh* And after, since he's got 4th lunch too, he has to leave at the same time I do, and I was like, hug?
Bryant: I'm sick.
Me: *gives withering look* I've been sick. I'm not gonna get sick.
Bryant: But I'm sick. I don't want you to get sick.
Me: I promise, I'm not gonna get sick.
*hug*
Me: I won't get sick. I promise. I bet you ten bucks that I won't get sick!
Bryant: I won't bet!
*end*
So, I guess it made me feel a little fluffy inside... hee hee...

Oh, and I found out that Morgan has a new girlfriend. Seriously, what is with my boyfriends getting new girlfriends within a week of us splitting?! I don't get it!! >:O It depresses me! Laura says that I have, like, a disease... I can't stay single for, like, over a week. What sucks is she's kind of right. I wish that I didn't have so many guys that liked me... and no, I'm not kidding. I don't get why they like me in the first place!! Seriously! There are tons of better, smarter, prettier, and taller girls out there... but they always pick me. I don't get it. :/

*sigh*

Now I'm depressed.

I guess I'll keep ya updated... but this is all for now.

Love,
Lauryn.

xOxOxOxO

Dude. What A Day.

Wow, I just failed. I typed the title of the post, and then I pressed "enter"... and it saved it. God, I hate computers.

Haha, just kidding.

I actually love computers... o.o

Okay, so I was just talking to one of my friends, and he's like, "I know you love Bryant." and I'm like, "wtf..." and he's like, "How long were you staring at the guy?" I glanced. I did not stare. I glanced. Frick that. I do really like him, though... but I learned that he has a girlfriend (though she's in New York), and even though I freaking love him, I won't put him through the hell that I could. See? I am a nice person.

So. I cannot believe that Halloween is TOMORROW!!! :o I mean, I knew it was coming up, but... wow! I'm gonna throw my costume together tonight. Haha. I'm going to my friend's house for a party... but, like, there's only, like, one guy I know- Chase. He lives in my neighborhood, too, and he's pretty cool. :] (I'll never tell HIM that, though!!) I'm actually pretty excited. I think we're going trick-or-treating (who gives a shit if we're in high school?!). My mom was like, "That's inappropriate. High schoolers are too old for that." And I'm like, wtf?! FREE CANDY!!! I DON'T CARE!! HAHA!!

I am in a very odd mood today. So I started the day so fucking pissed that I could barely walk straight ('cause my evil parents made me go to the doctor's instead of pep band! The nerve of them!), and then I'm ending it... happily numb... which is an oxymoron, thank you very much. :P I keep going in and out of being depressed (or emo, if you really want to say that), and in class I ended up writing "What if I wanted to break", "What am I saying? You don't care", and "What r u waiting 4?" on my hand. Mom and dad didn't appreciate that much... but it was better than the time when I wrote lyrics all up and down my (left) arm. That was epic.

Speaking of epic, I am beginning to plan my sweet 16... even though I turned 15 just three days ago. I mean, it's gonna be big, and I need to get started on plans right away so I can put them into action and have it damn near perfect. Haha. That's also why I'm having a friend or three help. :]

So... I think I've exhausted my mind (and my fingers) for tonight... I may add more to this, but that's all for now!!

Love,
Lauryn. ♥

Given Up

What if you knew someone who had truly given up on life?

What would you do?

Would you try to help them?

What if they didn't want help?

What about then?

Would you talk to them?

What if they were silent?

~*~

I guess I could go on about that for a while, but I think you get the picture. I mean, it's hard to keep up with everything... school, friends, extra-cirricular activities... it's all a big part of our lives, and we're not willing to give any of it up. I don't see why we would... we have it amazingly good over here in the U.S.A... but some people don't see that. They think that they have it worse than anybody else, and their life is so horrible that they must commit suicide or whatever in order to get out of it.

I, personally, think this is crap.

I know that my life sucks, but it's not as bad as it could possibly be, and I guess I can draw some comfort from that fact. I know that I know a lot of stuff that most kids my age aren't even exposed to, and I also know things that I think are useless... and I can't really do a thing about it. This is what makes me the angriest. When there's a "minor" with an opinion and all the "adults" dismiss it just because it is from someone "less experienced" than them. It disgusts me. Personally, I think that is very UN-adult-like behavior. Just because you have more "worldly experiences" than we do does not mean that we are blind to the world and everyone (& everything) that is in it! In fact, sometimes I find that my peers bring the situation an entirely new point of view, and it clears the mess (whatever it may be) up!
Sometimes a person feels so stuck they resort to silencing themselves. This is horrible... every voice that is silenced is another voice that could solve a problem... or cure a disease... every single person on this planet has extraoardinary potential, and I think it's very sad when they are not given the opportunity to work with their talents.


I guess you can say I'm a hypocrite...

...but this is why I'm writing to you.

I give up sometimes, and I know life is hard. Trust me, I really do. Don't ever think that I'm saying that this is easy, and please don't make the mistake of thinking that I'm trying to put myself on a pedestal for you all to look at my perfection. Trust me on this, I know that I am far from perfect. I've come to terms with that (mostly). I cry, I hurt, I'm afraid, I'm insecure, I know all of these feelings... and sometimes I wish that I could just die and get it over with so I can't feel the pain anymore.

But that's not the way out.

I don't know what you believe will happen after you die, and I'm not going to touch that subject... I just wanted to bring some thoughts to mind... food for thought. Good luck... and remember...

YOU ARE LOVED. VERY DEARLY. BY SOMEONE OUT THERE, OR SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU. I KNOW IT. PLEASE, NEVER GIVE UP. IT'S NOT WORTH IT. IT'LL GET BETTER THAN YOU KNOW. TRUST ME, I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN COUNTLESS TIMES... AND THAT'S TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Yours,
Lauryn. ♥

Life Sucks... and Then You Die

I hate everything, you know.

Okay, so maybe not everything, but enough to drive me fricking crazy. I swear to God, I'm going to end up in the Wacky Shack before I'm dead... which may come soon... haha.

Anyway, so there's this guy I like (Bryant), and I found out that he's kind of a liar... and he has a "girlfriend" apparently... and she's from New York. But something doesn't add up about the whole situation... and I'm determined to find out what it is. *sigh* I guess that I'll just have to write my way out of this one... again... I mean, I haven't written too much poetry recently... maybe that's for a reason, though.

God, I hate how much I over-analyze things.

And then I over-analyze my over-analyzing.

GOD.

So, today, I got to get out of school for pep band. We got to leave at noon and we got back at, like, 5:50-ish. It was epic. EP EAGLES WON! YEAH!

Today I'm very tired... it's been, like, go-go-go all freaking day! My God! And then tomorrow, during our Zero Hour, I have to make up an Enriched English test! >.<

Well, that's all for now, I guess.

Love,
Lauryn.