I guess I'm getting really sick of everything.
My parents want me to "change the attitude" and it's like, I'm fifteen. I come with it. It's a package deal... and having shit constantly thrown at me doesn't really help, you know. It's not my fault that I'm having issues... with people... of course.
People suck.
So Bryant and I were talking last night and he was obviously flirting with me... and then I find out that he says he doesn't like me... which hurt more because he won't fricking tell me himself, and if he doesn't have the guts to do that, then I don't think he's worth my time.
It's amazing how many guys I go through... and no, I'm not saying I'm proud of it. Just within like two weeks, I went back out with two of my exes AND broke up with them... and it's so weird, because... well... *sigh*... Jared & I got back together and then split... and then... well... Matt was like in love with me... and I broke his heart into a thousand pieces once, and he still loved me... and we broke up again... and now he's going out with my friend Andrea. Don't get me wrong, I love her, and I think that they'll be cute together, but it's... weird, ya know?
And Bridget and Ricardo called it quits... which, in my opinion, is really good... both of them are awesome kids, but... just not a good couple... he was making me angry... God.
School... I'm worried about it... I just... don't freaking care... and it's not like I don't want to care... I just... don't. And I'm so sick of it. I want to have a good future, but with grades like this... I don't know where I'll end up.
I can't believe how much I've changed... I used to be so... innocent, I didn't swear, I didn't say shit like, 'Oh my God', etc... and I was just... a little girl that didn't know what the world was... and now I'm an older teenager who doesn't know what the world really wants from her... God, I don't even know who I am anymore.
*sigh*
Regretfully yours,
Lauren. ♥
P.S. I hate myself for this... but I don't hate Bryant for this... I can't hate him... what the hell is wrong with me? :[
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2 comments:
finally you update! If it makes you feel any better, I don't even know who I am either... And you shouldn't have to deal with the things you deal with...
With love--jared
I know. I need to get better at writing in this... but I have so many thoughts sometimes, I can't even begin to articulate it, ya know? Yeah... well... sometimes I think that I was meant to deal with it... it's not like I haven't been kind of a bad person... :/ I guess I just don't know.
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