New Years

Wow, I can't believe that it's new years already. I woke up this morning and I swear to God I thought that it was tomorrow. Guess I was wrong.

Okay, so I haven't exactly written in a long time, so I guess I'd just update you with the latest shit.

First of all: Christmas. Christmas wasn't too horrible. I mean, yes, we ended up going down to Iowa, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. No, wait, yes, it was. First, I was in a bad mood because I was going in the first place, and then I kind of got into this fight with my mom on Christmas morning (it got physical. I hadn't eaten anything, so when we'd stopped, I felt like I was going to throw up and I laid down on the bathroom tile for like fifteen minutes), and it kind of colored the whole day for me. But other than that, it wasn't too God-awful. *sigh*

I also had a sleepover with Laura. It was pretty awesome, as per usual. We stayed up and watched Greek and 27 Dresses, and we both enjoyed staying up till all hours just talking. I find it awesome that we never get sick of each other, too. I owe that girl so much. She lets me use her cell to text Bryant, and it's actually helped a lot. When I get a cell phone, I'll make it up to her. Oh, speaking of Bryant, Laura told him that if he only liked me as a friend, that he should stop leading me on, and he's like "because one of the reasons I like her as a friend only is cuz i don't know her very wel...I love her personality...it's just I don't know her hobbies or her favorites or anything" and I felt so fluffy when I read that. It's true. We never get to talk because I'm always surrounded by my friends and stuff. Not that I don't love them, but... yeah. A cell would make my life so much easier.

Oh, and the cutting thing. Yeah... I did that yesterday and the day before that. I mean, for one thing, I don't get The Scarlet Letter, and that's putting a lot of stress on me, and Mrs. Goertz has been so understanding and awesome to me, so I feel so guilty for not understanding it... I feel like such an idiot. Because it's not that hard of a book... but for some reason, I just... don't get it. And I should. And it frustrates me because I know that I'm smarter than that! But I still don't fucking get it. And it's driving me crazy.

I guess I kind of want break to be over already... because it's not like I'm enjoying myself, really... but I don't want school to start, either. Especially gym class. Hate it.

OH. YEAH. I ALMOST FORGOT. MATT DUMPED ANDREA ON CHRISTMAS. I AM SO ANGRY AT HIM. I MEAN, CHRISTMAS?! THAT WAS SO MEAN. >:O UGH.

I think I've been doing better... but I dunno... it's really embarassing, but I can't even break down in my own house because I have this creepy feeling that my friends and people are going to see it and know about it and I won't be able to handle it... it's really... creepy... and I hate it... because it's a terrible feeling... and I want it to go the fuck away. Because I'm tired of doing that. I'm tired of being afraid... and I don't even know why I am afraid, or what I'm afraid of! It's driving me nuts!

I can't wait for the new year... though I don't know if I'm going to make any resolutions 'cause I usually forget about them and stuff... haha. I'm going skiing with Bridget tomorrow, and I'm pretty excited for that. I don't get to see her as much as I used to, so it's weird. But I love her. <3

I miss Laura.

Love,
Lauren.